Two words have completely changed my life: But God.
There was a time in my life when everything felt like falling apart. I was exhausted — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I carried shame, condemnation, and pain that I didn’t know how to process, questions I was afraid to ask, and wounds I thought would never heal.
Life felt heavy, like I was carrying a heavy load on my back every single day. My faith and walk with God were but a facade. I wondered if God still loved me… or worse yet if he was ashamed of me. Of what I had become.
I had been a Christian a lot of my adult life and I knew Jesus as my savior, but I didn’t acknowledge him as my Abba Father and Lord of my life. I honestly didn’t have a personal relationship with him.
I felt too unworthy because of things that I had done in my past and things that were done to me things that I had burried deep in the chambers of my heart. I felt like I was just going through the motions because my heart was not truly his.
Maybe you’ve been there too — stuck in a wilderness season where you feel like you’re going through the motions and just trying to make it through life and your heart feels unseen, like you’ve screwed up so bad that there was no way God could forgive you.
But then, God stepped in. He didn’t show up in a loud voice. Or was upset with me the way I thought he would be. He came in a whisper. In that gentle loving voice reminding me I lost my way.
He lovingly showed me that He was not done with my story.
He reminded me that my pain had a purpose.
He forgave me and began healing me.
It wasn’t instant, it was a process and it took me years. I had to take inventory of my life. I had to evaluate my life. I had to search my heart and ask myself. Do I want to be stuck in the same cycles and repeat the same sins, or did I want to be set free?
I believed in God‘s word, I obeyed God‘s word, I practiced forgiveness. I forgave others quickly and most importantly I forgave myself.
I surrendered to the love of the father and I was quick to repent of my sins.
Like restoring an old house a fixer-upper if you will, it takes time. I felt like that was my life. I felt like all the old habits and old lies I believed I had to replace and relearn and unlearn so much of my life and childhood .
He began mending the parts of me I thought were too shattered to be repaired. He replaced my shame with grace, my condemnation with justification, and my hopelessness with a sense of purpose.
Friend, if you can relate to my story just know that God works in seasons, and no season lasts forever. If this is a season of pain for you, know that God does some of his best work when you are in the wilderness season. There is a purpose in the pain, beloved.
What is the Lord doing right now to bring you to such a place? God’s love is steadfast, and His commitment to you never wavers. How will you respond?
Hear the word of the Lord for you: “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10).
I will give them a heart to know that I am the LORD, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart. (Jer. 24:7)
I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten. (Joel 2:25)
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Cor. 5:17)
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Phil. 1:6)
Life can be full of joy, even if you walk in the wilderness with Jesus.
Xoxo
Alexa
